Being Gay is never easy, we live in a
world that's only begun to really acknowledge it and to some extent
accept it however I feel there's still a long road to go before it
can be seen as a part of life that's unavoidable. I always say I grew
up not knowing any gay people or heroes to look up to, I was only
exposed to what was allowed in my bubble, even Life Orientation at
school didn't have that as a subject at school so I still felt like I
needed some form of education, a proper way to introduce myself onto
the scene, that's when I met my first gay best friend.
Unlike most, I was a bit slow on the
intimate parts of life, I shied away at opportunities and chose to
watch my newfound friend in action, all the boys would try to get
with him to the point where they used to ask me to put in a good word
for them just so that he can speak to them, at that point I was still
a rooky so I was always transparent with him in regards to guys
intentions with him, this made our bond stronger and escalated our
friendship greatly. My grandmother never used to allow me to sleep
over at friends houses she never met unless their parents would make
a phone call, unfortunately I used to forget this little rule and
land up in a lot of trouble when I got home. Since I was a year
younger than my friend it was always an issue if we had to go out,
the bouncers would see right through “I-forgot-my-ID-in-the-car”
act, if we were lucky I'd get sneaked in through the back or get the
“nicer” bouncer who overlooked the seventeen year old me. My
friendship with this friend of mine was very fruitful but also had
its lows, he literally introduced me into the scene but there was an
ugly side to it that I didn't quite understand and this made dating
for me much harder, I trusted men much less especially after the flop
of a relationship I had with my first and then my second love
interest who made me look like boo-boo the fool, I was at the point
where I preferred to be the wingman than be the main man.
I joined a couple of dating sites and
met some rather interesting guys, one in particular was this
thirty-two year old German guy who had a rather weird name but nice
features and build so I thought to myself that I needed to be more
open and willing to receive whatever the man could offer, besides
which I was starting to feel like an old man who was growing cobwebs
down South. We went to Fishoek, spent the day there and ended off at
this amazing restaurant that faced the ocean, the lights were dimmed
and I felt the novelty of my first proper date with an older man, he
looked into my eyes when he spoke to me and made me feel special for
the evening, the drive back was even better – I'm a sucker for
romance and chivalry!!! Of course by the time we got back I told him
to drop me a road below because I didn't want a stalker situation and
he obliged but not without trying to kiss me and ask me if I wanted
to stay over at his place, though the idea was tempting I was worried
it might have gone in another direction so I kindly declined his
offer and returned home. The next time I met him (this is after we
had chatted for a bit) he took me to Table Mountain and told me that
he could no longer see me anymore, he felt that there was too big an
age gap and that at the end of the day I deserved better, of course I
was shattered but I told myself he was right, I deserved better, I
deserved a REAL man! Of course I met more and more men, mostly older
as I felt like I needed someone who had a mature way of thinking and
was firmly established in their life, however a lot of them turned
out to be immature and interested only in one thing. I won't lie and
say I was never naïve with men, I had fallen for their tricks
before, allowed myself to get involved in the moment only to be
dropped like a hot potato the next.
High school wasn't always about my
failed love-life, I had also started paying attention to my talents
as well, I started out with drama and joined the school choir then
when the bell rang for the end of the day I'd go straight to my
friends house and we'd play around with music beats and make some
music, I can't lie and say we were making hits but we had to start
somewhere and with each song we became better,wiser and eager to the
point where I decided to move to Johannesburg after Matric and I did.
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