The Survivor

 

There aren't many people I really look up to but there are many I admire and for those I admire it's always for their strength and resilience...We as people go through so many trials and tribulations to get to our own personal goals or even to get away from whatever was bringing us down into a pool of negativity...



What is a survivor? and what does that mean in this day and age? I for one consider myself a survivor...not because I survived the bigger things but because I know how to prepare for the little setbacks life continues to throw at us and trust me, as little as they are they can do some serious long-term damage. I look at the current news today and what I see saddens me, people being beaten up for being who they want to be, women being violated and humilated, children being born into a country going through famines and war...I look at these situations and thank my lucky stars that I got a different start to my life, it wasn't easy I tell you...I've slipped so many times but I continue to remind myself of the bigger picture.
My grandmother used to always tell me to keep myself grounded and not let my head get the better of me now at that time I never quite understood what she meant – I mean this woman would have fat conversations with homeless people and drag me all around interesting places with interesting people and I remember getting so irritated with her because I used to think they stank and were not worth the time, but she showed me a different side to these people, believe it or not they were barely surviving but with what little they had they were coming along somehow and I could never see myself doing the same, even after the time I had a huge blow-out with my grandmother and I ran away from home in hopes that she'd leave me to die in some ditch but that woman had superhuman powers and when she found me I was reminded of how selfish and bratty I had acted, here I was not yet seeing a very big picture...Just lil ole me and my world living in a bubble I felt was too small and I needed it to pop and indeed it did...
In my teens, I met the wrong crowd of people, they lured me in with kindness and the party-attitude and as naïve as I was I fell for it, I always told myself to see the good in people regardless of what people thought of them but as much as my instincts kept telling me that this was a bad idea I told myself this was the freedom I was craving, away from responsibility, away from my family and into a world of my own and so it began the rise and fall. I listen to that Destiny's Child song “Survivor” and all the memories come rushing back like a flood...I think my biggest moment of maturity and understanding of life was when my mother died. I was never close to her as much as my brothers were and we had a distant relationship from the start ( but that's all I'm going to give you nosey people) and the day she passed away I didn't shed a single tear, not at the funeral, not a year later and not the year after that because I was too busy playing Big Brother to my younger brothers and handling my grandmothers affairs, I was being a grown up 12-year old boy, it wasn't easy but I was up for the challenge and for most of my life up until recently I was always taking care of someone else and making them my full responsibility leaving little time for me to act my own age...I've dealt with much more than I will allow myself to blog about – it's too early to give my bio out just yet but I have taken all these experiences and formulated a tool for myself and created the stronger individual I am now and I see that in all those other people who walk around with big boulders on their shoulder...I see some who put on these masks of plastic fakeness hiding behind their looks thinking that no one can see beneath the facade, but some (not many) can see and those beautiful individuals I consider and today still call friends.
With love...

P.S. - the track that inspired this post, Enjoy :)