First Day Being Gay...told in a funny way :)

Remember the day you came out? The day you opened that closet that blocked you out of the world of the living,that day you skipped like a pansy and swayed like a palm tree? Yup, that was your day and it was a glorious day because you were re-born, re-introduced, fresh and revived! This was your day, your new birthday and for some the very last time they felt so happy and elated being a gay man.

Now to be equipped in this lovely pink world of ours you'll need to arm yourself from other opportunists just waiting to sweep you off your feet and carry you to the land of Oz.

let me tell it to you straight, if you're handsome and built like Hercules before Creatine became his enemy at age 50 then you're about to become a celebrity, well done to you, 20 claps! As for the rest of us mere mortals struggling to hide our enjoyment at the sight and smell of a triple decker pizza from Debonairs - we have much work to do! remember, this is survival now...no one said being Gay was gonna be easy...You ready?

First off it's all about the look, you'll need to transform from drab to being grabbed at all angles! Start from your hair and work your way down and always keep in mind that if you're not doing this for yourself then at least you'll reach celebrity status and grab the attention of the 20-year old Hercules who wouldn't even glance you half-dead lying near a gutter. Once you're sure that your concoction of a look is satisfying then your next test would be to go from "clueless and dull" to "interesting and sophisticated" (keep in mind, we're competing with Hercules to get Hercules).

If you're out on a night alone because all your straight guy friends have disowned you and nobody saw you pull out your wallet to grab any interest anyway then you'll need to be wary of those creeps that eyed you the moment you walked into the bar hoping that you'll either leave your drink unattended long enough for them to "slip something in" or until you get desperate and make small talk with them just so that you don't fall back into the "clueless and dull" category. Yes boys and ladyboys, you need to keep your eyes open and always vigilant of "predators"...Phew, it's almost time for you to bag Hercules!

The clock strikes 4 (typical time for any gay bar to start closing) and you're dripping with sweat, you smell like a can of Sardines and you've come out of your little cocoon, you've met some guys and and swopped a few numbers, wow don't you feel like something amazing right now...go on, pat yourself on the back because in all this time Hercules has kept a little eye on you without you realizing...You've officially made it!!!! Welcome, enjoy your stay...take some breaths...you have an image to build and a legacy to start,if you start to feel unsure or dizzy - too bad! there's pressure on both sides...not always easy to just be, the show must go on and the masks put on tight...smile now, the camera's flashing and Hercules approaches...

If you want my advice, keep it real, keep it you, I hope you enjoyed a birds-eye view into a beautifully controversial world :)

With Love...